"It's me, Blorko."
Happy Wednesday, all! I am officially on vacation from work for the next 19 days, and while Omicron is being a real dick about everything, I’m still looking forward to some time off. But the Internet never rests, so I’ll still find the time for this newsletter. Including today!
It’s I Hate It But I Hate It month on I Hate It But I Love It
On our award-winning (really!) podcast, Jocelyn and I continue to close out the year with a month of movies we totally hate. Last week, we talked about the M. Night Shyamalan disaster (and that’s saying something) Lady In The Water, or, as we described it, What If E.T. Sucked Ass? And in the episode that came out today, we revisit the horrifying 1985 children’s film The Peanut Butter Solution, because almost all children’s cinema from the ‘80s traumatized us. You should subscribe, if you wanna be cool! (You can find I Hate It But I Love It in all the usual places, including Apple, Spotify, Stitcher, and Pocket Casts.)
Say “Fuck you, 2021!” and get 20% off a paid subscription to Stuff I Saw On The Internet!
From now until January 1st, 2022, you can get 20% off an annual subscription to SISOTI — meaning for just $24 a year, you’ll get access to bonus internet roundups AND the smug satisfaction of knowing you’re better than everyone else. The monthly subscription is still $5 a month, so with this deal on an annual sub, you’ll be getting 7.2 months for FREE. I’ll be raising the price back up once 2022 hits, though, so don’t dawdle.
TWEETS!
REDDIT!
If you haven’t already, please read the tale of Jorts the cat and the excellent update:
Jorts is just… kind of a simple guy. For example, Jorts can’t open a door even when it’s ajar— he shoves it whether he is going in or out, so often he closes the door he is trying to go through. This means he is often trapped inside the place he was trying to exit and meows until he is rescued.
This entire post screams “douchebag asshole!” but this part in particular, yikes:
Honestly Eva is gorgeous. Claire is not really my type, but I hear men around the office drooling over her. I don't know if my wife feels insecure, so I try to booster her confidence.
I know I’ve included posts like this before, but it absolutely blows my mind because it would be grounds for divorce IMMEDIATELY:
Few months ago my mother inlaw as well as other family members reached out to me and we had conversations (without my wife) about how innocent my mother inlaw was and was falsely accused by my wife to get back at her for past issues. I really felt she was sincere especially after she said she wished my wife would give her another chance. I had an idea which was that I invite my inlaws over to celebrate Christmas with me and my wife and hopefully talk things out once and for all.
More weaponized incompetence that’s turned into actual abuse — in a relationship with children, child-rearing is a SHARED responsibility:
I asked my husband on his day off if he could stay with our son for just 2 hours til I get back and he seemed hasitant asking lots of "what if" questions but I promised he got this and I'd be quick. He shrugged saying "fine go...but 2 hours and not a minute more!" I thanked him then left but he started calling every 10#15 min asking when I'd be back. Frankly, it got annoying I decided to put my phone on silent when I got to the salon but afte I checked my phone later I found over 20 missed calls and a text message from him saying I needed to get home fast because there was fire in the kitchen.
Ugh, the classism and snobbery that drips throughout this post makes me feel gross:
My older son (M41) had some trouble settling down but he was in a relationship with this wonderful guy. His ex was honest, family oriented, and very successful as a lawyer, and they were planning to get married, unfortunately they broke up almost three years ago. My son recently started dating a guy I don’t even know, he’s 13 years younger than my son. As far as I know he has a job, but he’s too young for my son. It's not that I don't like the guy, it's that I feel that he and my son are not compatible. My son is well educated, he’s successful and I don’t want this guy to take advantage of him.
A sentence I never thought I’d write: Lady, it’s not about the lizard’s gender-reveal party:
Well she recently took her Skink to the vet for a checkup and she was excited to find out her Skinks gender. Afterwards I got a text asking if I'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. She explained it was just a small get together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals).
Well I didn't come. I didn't see a point. It's just a lizard and I'm a busy person. She later called me and expressed she was kind of sad I didn't come cuz it'd been a while since I'd seen her but she understood I was busy. I told her she couldn't actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. She said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that was more of a joke and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone. I told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because I'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real grand daughter.
TUMBLR!
(via saturnine-powerbomb, thread found here.)
(via athenastudying, thread found here.)
(via sarugetyou, thread found here.)
(via quiteliterallyhotsauce, thread found here.)
TIKTOK!
Do your bucking vocab.
What a stompy lil’ bird.
I appreciate commitment to the joke.
Hacking the dating scene.
Riverdale is even more bonkers than it already was.
Justice for hearing-impaired wildcats.
Technophobic parents are comedy gold.
My entire childhood flashed before my eyes with this TikTok.
ARTICLES!
‘SNL’ nearly squashed Natasha Rothwell. Then ‘Insecure’ helped her find her voice, L.A. Times
Britney Spears Felt Trapped. Her Business Manager Benefited, New York Times
Inside the Extremely Unfunny War Between Comedians and Spotify, Vulture
A Woman Was Reportedly Caught Breastfeeding Her Hairless Cat on an Airplane, And I Have Questions, Jezebel
D.C. third-graders were made to reenact episodes from the Holocaust, Washington Post
That’s all for me today, gorgeous! I hope you have lovely holidays and stay safe.
Love,
Kat